Grotesque Anatomy
Friday, July 23, 2004
  WARNING: This Post Contains 3000% Of Your Daily Offensive Humor Limit
Sean Collins considered what would happen if the Marvel Universe went rape-crazy, and now the V handle the DCU in a thread that had to be called DCU: CRISIS ON INFINITE RAPES [WARNING:  Humor in extremely questionable taste follows]
Each time a DCU character is raped, they consume their assailant via the orifice in which they were receiving unwanted congress.

They then go on to rape another DCU character and a similar process continues until the only three superheroes remaining in the DCU are Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman in a Good, Bad & Ugly stand off.
Or spitroast (Batman and Wonder Woman either end of Superman obviously.) This will be written by Chuck Austen and Kurt Busiek.

Meanwhile in the Vertigo universe, John Constantine is leading Swamp Thing around the USA and getting him to change into a series of increasingly uncomfortable vegetables to be inserted into unwilling members of the DCU magick (sic) community. This will be written by Alan Moore and Rick Veitch.
Throughout this massive crossover series, Constantine tells Swampy the "Death by Mau Mau" joke. This will be written by Grant Morrison.

In the end, huh uh-huh huh, Constantine tells Swampy and Batman that the only way they can save the world is for them to insert a hand each into his behind and shake hands like at the end of the American Gothic arc, but with anal sex. This will be written by Brian Azzarello.
Ads in the crossover will also be rape-themed:
New Hostess pie adverts with the crooks schemes being foiled after being raped by the heroes with delicious apple, cherry, and blueberry Hostess pies.
The V also consider what the porn version of Identity Crisis #2 might read like:
I think the scene in ID Crisis #2 should have been written as thus:

DOC: I am going to rape you.

SUE: With what? There's a reason we call you Dr. 40 Watt Light Bulb behind your back.

DOC: Turn around and bend over. Bitch.

SUE: Puhleeze. I'm married to the Elongated Man. Eeeeloooongaaaated Man. He has a schlong the size of the Empire State Building.

DOC: SHUT UP! Unngh.

SUE: Are you in yet? I don't feel a thing.

DOC: I'll show you. I'll whip up a light dildo the size of the WTC. Bitch.

SUE: Now we're talking.

DOC: My god, you're like the Grand Canyon down there.

SUE: Ooh, dirty talk.


SUE: Awww, your light blew prematurely. Now I'm all hot and bothered. I wonder if Plastic Man is still around.

I was going to ask who would cover the Image Universe's mega-rape crossover, but then I remembered that Mark Millar and Rob Liefeld still have a couple issues to go on Youngblood: Bloodsport.

Finally, in another thread, the V construct a joke guaranteed to offend everyone (well, except perhaps Milo George and his pal Gojira).  Countering the suggestion that rape has become writers' new choice for Worst Crime Imaginable since "terrorism is off limits and no-one can top the real-life horror of 9/11," John Fellows lets slip news of DC's next big project::  "So you haven't read the solicits for TOWER CRISIS which lovingly depicts the twin towers being destroyed in issue one, but flashes back to years earlier in issue two where Godzilla raped them both?"
Like Unto A Thing Of Irony!

Iron Fist

by John Jakala

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